I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize