I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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