Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
love makes seman taste better
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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