Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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