I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
