so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This is my gift to your gina
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
