maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i will never coherently bang her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
