we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
