i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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