Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
