No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
