In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
