wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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