I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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