no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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