he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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