it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
