Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
