This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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