He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
