I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
