Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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