The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
