So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
