I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
