So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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