They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
