Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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