I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it's like iHOP with fire
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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