like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
