Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
