You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
