Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
