the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
