you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize