love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
