i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize