If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
3pm strippers are depressing
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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