So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
