theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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