Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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