No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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