You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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