Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
