Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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