She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
