You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
