Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
