everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
