I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
