my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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