glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
