I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
