There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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