need another drink. this is the easiest way
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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