he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
