something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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