Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
