i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
