Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
