WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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