where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize