We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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