Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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