Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
