I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
