drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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