I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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