i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You need Xanax blowdarts
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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