I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
