Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
