How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
